I changed my hair colour this week. I'm not overly obsessed with the way I look, I'm happy as long as I don't scare any horses or small children, but I felt a change was needed. I've only changed it once before, about 6 or 7 years ago when I was living in Kuwait and I felt the lighter, blonder hair was softer, more in keeping with my personality. These last few weeks though, I've been feeling angry that my 'softer' side has been taken advantage of. For some reason, the hair colour no longer felt right or approprate and it had to go. As I came home from the hairdressers via the supermarket, I was looking for something to paint to kick start the creativity again, when I saw the figs. Perfect - so many people think they are lovely and sweet but they do nothing for me. It represents how I feel about one long, unpleasant and ultimately pointless situation. I have the patience of Job - I think it's fair to say my art reflects that - but a line was crossed and we all have our limits.
It's not as if I don't have more important things to worry about either. Paul is leaving home soon, having managed to secure a place at university. It's really not a good time to be leaving school, to put it mildly. I'm very proud of him, he's more than ready to become independent - and that is, after all, the whole purpose of parenting!
I've also been over to London again, to visit my mother who is in a home. I'm acutely aware that each visit may be the last and being in another country makes me feel helpless to do anything useful. In truth, there is nothing I can do - not in my role as daughter anyway, but still plenty to do as a parent.
However, unlike me, the tomatoes are hanging in there. I finished off this little watercolour sketch yesterday too, started in the height of the summer and left when my inspiration dried up. Although it's clear summer is in it's last throes, there are still a few tomatoes left to enjoy. And looking on the bright side, now that I'm painting, I have all those beautiful autumn leaves to look forward to!
6 comments:
Welome back, Felicity.
Hope you're getting through your situation.
On the bright side, your drawings are beautiful.
What a lovely post, well-written and full of thoughts and feelings that we all have experienced. I like how you relate your thoughts to the vegetables and subjects you paint. Very nice.
Incredible work on that gorgeous fig, Felicity. I wasn't fond of them myself for years but now I almost sit next to the tree waiting for them to ripen - to be eaten fresh with Gorgonzola. Quite the nicest thing about the end of summer.
A change of hair colour is as good as a holiday. I always appreciate your candid accounts of what is going on around you.
Oh, that feeling of helplessness - I've been experiencing that myself with a brother who's going through chemo treatments right now. I'm not in a different country from him but may as well be as we are on opposite coasts here in the US. He knows he is in my prayers and that's about all I can do, except send the supportive e-mail and such. I'm glad you've been able to get over to visit your mom now and then.
As for the hair - I chuckle. My hair dresser is young, a biker babe, often wears black leather to work, has tattoos and does the Goth thing with black hair and eyeliner - you get the picture. But she is a fantastic person and a true artist with her scissors. So I was very surprised the last time I got my hair cut to see that she had this beautiful light brown hair. Ooo, I like it, I told her. Yeah, she said - I thought it was about time to lighten up, lose the dark look. So you are right - the darker hair can give a person a harder, no nonsense, don't mess with me look, while the lighter softens you up and perhaps leaves you open to being taken advantage of. Go for it, girl - it's only hair and you can quickly go back to whatever look you feel fits you next!
Nice fig and tomatoes, btw. Would love to share them with you - but you are even further away than my brother - lol!
Thanks Wil, painting definitely helps!
Thanks very much Katherine.
Thanks Robyn. Maybe one day I'll acquire the taste!
Sheila, so sorry to hear what you are going through. I hope his treatment is successful.
I've only ever tried figs as a young child and didn't like them. Your drawing is beautiful though.
I was only talking about my own parents' mortality on my blog in recent days. It must be tough for you being some distance away.
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