I changed my hair colour this week. I'm not overly obsessed with the way I look, I'm happy as long as I don't scare any horses or small children, but I felt a change was needed. I've only changed it once before, about 6 or 7 years ago when I was living in Kuwait and I felt the lighter, blonder hair was softer, more in keeping with my personality. These last few weeks though, I've been feeling angry that my 'softer' side has been taken advantage of. For some reason, the hair colour no longer felt right or approprate and it had to go. As I came home from the hairdressers via the supermarket, I was looking for something to paint to kick start the creativity again, when I saw the figs. Perfect - so many people think they are lovely and sweet but they do nothing for me. It represents how I feel about one long, unpleasant and ultimately pointless situation. I have the patience of Job - I think it's fair to say my art reflects that - but a line was crossed and we all have our limits.
It's not as if I don't have more important things to worry about either. Paul is leaving home soon, having managed to secure a place at university. It's really not a good time to be leaving school, to put it mildly. I'm very proud of him, he's more than ready to become independent - and that is, after all, the whole purpose of parenting!
I've also been over to London again, to visit my mother who is in a home. I'm acutely aware that each visit may be the last and being in another country makes me feel helpless to do anything useful. In truth, there is nothing I can do - not in my role as daughter anyway, but still plenty to do as a parent.
However, unlike me, the tomatoes are hanging in there. I finished off this little watercolour sketch yesterday too, started in the height of the summer and left when my inspiration dried up. Although it's clear summer is in it's last throes, there are still a few tomatoes left to enjoy. And looking on the bright side, now that I'm painting, I have all those beautiful autumn leaves to look forward to!