I think I may have mentioned when I was doing the Self Portrait Challenge that I am a bit of a masochist. Looking at the pristine white pages of my lovely sketchbooks and thinking of how to use but not spoil them, I came up with the idea of another self portrait - go figure! I went into a bit of a tizz recently when I was asked for a photo of myself to accompany my drawings and after that I thought I should try and 'get over myself'. It's not like I was ever noted for my beauty! I've tried to be a bit more honest here and include that awful line I have on my forehead from worry and squinting in the sun!Have you ever seen those TV programmes where guys, for whatever reason, dress up as females and express disappointment that they make ugly women? Well, women don't get to choose whether they are attractive or not, we have to live with what we've been given unless we have the nerve or the money for surgery. I came to something of an acceptance of my face in my thirties, but unlike other things one can come to terms with, age constantly changes us and the rug seems to get pulled from under my feet every day. I used to pull bits of my face and wonder if a facelift might improve things but now I think I might qualify for a free face lift on the National Health Service on grounds that it effects my emotional wellbeing!
I'm getting tired of that profile drawing, it makes me look so prim and proper. When I look at the profile photos of Flickr users, I think one could be forgiven for thinking half of them should be in the modelling industry - or are those half-lit, half hidden, best angle, years old photos really how they look? The other half seem to use smoke and mirrors. Trouble is, I'd like a picture to reflect who I am but therein lies the problem. I have a horror of being taken seriously and a horror of not being taken seriously. I have, in my natal chart, both the indications of 'the life and soul of the party' (Venus in Leo) and the 'party pooper' (opposite Saturn in Aquarius)! I can't make up my mind whether to I want my blog to be funny or serious. It feels like a boring compromise.
So with that in mind, I'm going to start another blog just for the drawings ( this one will carry on as normal- drawings, photos and the odd rant. It will be awhile before I publish the new one though). I figured if I can't bring the two sides of my personality together, they may as well happily co-exist! That, and also I feel I should be less afraid to say how important drawing is to me. Fear of being sneered at stops us all from doing things we really want to and being ourselves but I think as I get older I'm getting (slightly) braver.
On another note, I've just changed my blog to Beta and I'm trying to do things like adding tags. Art supplies got re-published this morning because I couldn't work out how else to add another tag! Thanks for the comments on it though! Coincidently, it's one that I've had a few questions about. I use greaseproof or tracing paper under my hand to prevent smudging, I use very sharp pencils and yes, I cut up my erasers to make sharp edges. The difference is now 2B rather than 2H is a favourite and I have accumulated a few more art supplies since I wrote that. I must have been in 'party pooper' mode that day!
13 comments:
As you get older I think less and less about how I look, and that's one of the advantage of the internet that how you look is not that important. The Profile pictures on flickr tend to be very attractive that's for sure I doubt that all are as handsome. I tend to make myself approx 35% more handsome when I draw myself, that's my right as an artist.
The blogger Beta looks sweet but I've not got an invitation yet. Coco has one though, and he's very happy with it ;O)
I read what you said about self portraits. I am not an artist, but i found it a fascinating read. I understand what you mean about the pictures of some of the bloggers. I never look at photos of myself, nor do i take many of myself either. I have not decided if i will publish a photo for my blog yet. I agree with Mattias; that it is not so important how you look on the internet.
And to be honest, i have found the personality of many bloggers reflected through their blogs (writing, photos and overall layout), not through a photo or image of the writer.
Anyway, I wanted to thank you for your kind comment on my blogsite and thank you for the recommendation of www.aflickeringlight.com.
He really writes very well, as you said. Good luck with the French studies, given time it will come back, i failed O level French and 21 years later i picked up again and remembered surprisingly a lot.
All the best. Tony.
I could relate to so much of what you said--especially the way that one has to keep going through that acceptance process over and over as each new insult of time appears on our faces and bodies. Also about "getting over yourself" -- always a good thing. When I did my little self portrait that I use for my blog) I made funny faces into my camera so it was fun to draw and funny to look at. (I know we differ in our associating fun and art). Anyway, I think the eyes you've drawn reflect great depth and sensitivity.
Beautiful drawing Felicity!
Felicity -- hon those eyes are fun-loving, mysterious, gorgeous and down right awesome! My blog is a reflection of me -- who I am at the time .. I don't try to split my life ... it's hard enough to keep up with where I am at the moment -- and so my blog reflects that ... pix of grandchildren one day, experiments with clayboard the next, daily journaling another. My blog, I suppose is my journal -- a reflection of me in all my complexities, contradictions, seriousness, joke-telling, etc. RELAX dear heart, we are different every day .. and you know, isn't that what makes life interesting?!
Oh, the comments have been nearly as fun to read as your wonderful post! I've seen your drawings AND your photos and I think you look great! The eyes are gorgeous and would make a good avatar -- we SHOULD switch our pics up every now and then. And they really should represent who we are... (Mattias, dear, you are a delightful looking pig! :-D)
beautiful drawing!
Y'know, I knew I'd read where you'd "come over to the dark side" of softer pencils, but it was so darn early...
AWESOME drawing - as always!
Thanks all for such thoughtful comments! It's given me food for thought.
Mattias, I wonder how you calculated 35%? ;) I've seen Angelina Jolie's face used as an avator and I'm sure that is well over 35% so I can't do that! I didn't get an invite either, I just set up a Google account. I bet Coco has a magnificent avator!
Tony, I agree, the personality is reflected without a face, that's what I love about blogs. I prefer to see a face though, that's what's so confusing!
Thanks Jana, good to hear your thoughts. I hope I don't come across as anti-fun, I probably over emphasise my point to counter those that keep saying it is ONLY fun. Yes, I should pull a few faces too, good idea!
Lin, you always talk so much sense! I think that by talking about our worries we realise that we are all the same at heart. It great to get such reassuring comments!
The trouble with looking at a picture of someone is that the tendency is immediately to put them into a category - which is inevitably limiting. It is even worse when producing a picture of oneself, whether photographed or drawn, because then one is tempted to see oneself in a category. The blogging reflection of the personality is much more interesting, I find.
And as for Angelina Jolie, is she really someone you want to be? Just think how you would worry then about your looks as the years pass. Unfortunately you are now living in a culture which cares a great deal about appearances - I recommend living in Africa for a while to stop caring so much about how one looks.
Your work is always worth looking at, and your blog always a pleasure to read.
Thanks as always Omega. I admit to being a bit unsure about the whole subject but I have to admit that I do form an opinion from a photo much as I like to see them ( I feel that many blogs could do with having, if not a photo, some sort of identity)
The great thing about blogs is that we connect to the spirit and whether one is black, white, old young etc. matters not a jot!
I'm mindful too of your comments about how one photo of the same person can differ so dramatically so the thought of having to come up with one definitive image is quite daunting, impossible really.
No, Angelina is not a role model :) I wonder what her opinion of men is, I'm sure it can't be very high considering how they react to her appearence.
Felicity, what a beautiful self portriat. And thanks for the frank discussion of what all of us think about. I really try to mostly ignore my face since I"m so often surprised at how old I am in the mirror. Living with adolescents also rubs sometimes. They are so full of energy and youth!! But I see so much gentle looking in your eye portrait. Ok....maybe I'll try one too.
Wow Felicity, what a great point and subsequent discussion you have raised. I just recently changed my profile picture and I have to say, I was reluctant. Before I had one of those "half-lit, half-hidden, best angle" photos. It's scary to come out of the shadows and reveal one's full self. I want my artwork to be judged on its own merit, however this is who I am, so I don't want to have to hide my appearance either. I agree with Omega. The trouble with a picture is that it immediately puts you in a category. However, I guess the key is to understand that what is on the outside doesn't define the inside.
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