I think I may have mentioned when I was doing the Self Portrait Challenge that I am a bit of a masochist. Looking at the pristine white pages of my lovely sketchbooks and thinking of how to use but not spoil them, I came up with the idea of another self portrait - go figure! I went into a bit of a tizz recently when I was asked for a photo of myself to accompany my drawings and after that I thought I should try and 'get over myself'. It's not like I was ever noted for my beauty! I've tried to be a bit more honest here and include that awful line I have on my forehead from worry and squinting in the sun!
Have you ever seen those TV programmes where guys, for whatever reason, dress up as females and express disappointment that they make ugly women? Well, women don't get to choose whether they are attractive or not, we have to live with what we've been given unless we have the nerve or the money for surgery. I came to something of an acceptance of my face in my thirties, but unlike other things one can come to terms with, age constantly changes us and the rug seems to get pulled from under my feet every day. I used to pull bits of my face and wonder if a facelift might improve things but now I think I might qualify for a free face lift on the National Health Service on grounds that it effects my emotional wellbeing!
I'm getting tired of that profile drawing, it makes me look so prim and proper. When I look at the profile photos of Flickr users, I think one could be forgiven for thinking half of them should be in the modelling industry - or are those half-lit, half hidden, best angle, years old photos really how they look? The other half seem to use smoke and mirrors. Trouble is, I'd like a picture to reflect who I am but therein lies the problem. I have a horror of being taken seriously and a horror of not being taken seriously. I have, in my natal chart, both the indications of 'the life and soul of the party' (Venus in Leo) and the 'party pooper' (opposite Saturn in Aquarius)! I can't make up my mind whether to I want my blog to be funny or serious. It feels like a boring compromise.
So with that in mind, I'm going to start another blog just for the drawings ( this one will carry on as normal- drawings, photos and the odd rant. It will be awhile before I publish the new one though). I figured if I can't bring the two sides of my personality together, they may as well happily co-exist! That, and also I feel I should be less afraid to say how important drawing is to me. Fear of being sneered at stops us all from doing things we really want to and being ourselves but I think as I get older I'm getting (slightly) braver.
On another note, I've just changed my blog to Beta and I'm trying to do things like adding tags. Art supplies got re-published this morning because I couldn't work out how else to add another tag! Thanks for the comments on it though! Coincidently, it's one that I've had a few questions about. I use greaseproof or tracing paper under my hand to prevent smudging, I use very sharp pencils and yes, I cut up my erasers to make sharp edges. The difference is now 2B rather than 2H is a favourite and I have accumulated a few more art supplies since I wrote that. I must have been in 'party pooper' mode that day!