There comes a time when a blogger has a rant and I'm going to have one now so look away if you wish!
One of those words that gets me going is 'busy'. Well, who isn't busy these days but do we have to keep saying it? I had a friend a few years back who, every time I spoke to her would tell me how busy she was. Sorry I haven't rung/e-mailed/seen you, I've been busy. If I called her she would have her answer phone on and I'm pretty sure this was to let you know she wasn't in and too busy out and about doing something much more important with her time -well, that's what I was supposed to think! (Maybe it's just me, but if they have time to paint their toenails and never wear the same thing twice, I tend to be a tad suspicious!) It occurred to me after a while that she was just saying 'I don't value you enough to take a moment to keep our friendship going'.
It's a funny thing about ex-pat women - we are mostly here because of our husband's job. In my opinion we are amongst the luckiest people to experience life in other parts of the world, make interesting friends and have time to spend as we wish. There are literally billions of people living in miserable or unbearable conditions but some of the most miserable must be ex-pats.
If you have loads of time to spare, the very last thing you must admit to is having time! So every day you've got to go to the gym, do breakfast, get manicures/pedicures/facials/hair done, go to coffee mornings (all the better if it's for charity) and try and make 'contacts'. If you have children they must be taken to horse riding, tennis lessons, swimming lessons,music lessons, ballet, and everything else you can put their names down for (unless you have already put them into boarding school). You must have a maid and you must complain about how awfully hard it is to find a good one (cue sharing of horror stories and lots of nodding heads). Your husband must be indispensable to his company who don't realize his worth but he will get lots of perks like good housing allowances, a four by four with all the latest add ons (do you know how important those are? I didn't until I went to Dubai!) and business class tickets for you all to return to your wonderful house (or one of them) back home every summer ( oh! the problems our tenants give us!)
You don't sit around in the evening either, watching the telly or spending quality time with your children, oh no! You leave them in the capable hands of your maid who waters your dried plants and go to the swankiest restaurants for dinner or some important function with other important people.
I was once 'dropped' by one of the mums at school ( in Dubai) because I said during the course of conversation that it was nice to see a face I knew. She was fairly new and I bumped into her at the sailing club. It took me a while to figure out what had happened. It was that I had admitted I had no 'contacts' and was therefore of no use! Still, it was amusing to see her pretending not to see me every single day - Alex and her son were friends in the same class!
This week's Everyday Matters drawing challenge is to draw something you are thankful for. I know I should be thankful for a lot of things but I have found that if you have to think of what you might draw it really focuses the mind. I mention this because I've really enjoyed thinking about it and to pass this on to anyone reading who is not part of the group. Try it!
I've been driving all over the place this week so I haven't done as much drawing as I wanted to, but I've been thinking about the challenge and how lucky I am with so many things, big and small that I am thankful for. Of course, if you live in a marble palace in Dubai with an Aston Martin in the drive you may find this one really tough!
7 comments:
Isn't it lovely to rant to the ether! Like you I keep my blog anonymous from those who know me personally, just for times like these. (There are ways of getting from my blog to me, but not, I hope the other way round unless I tell.)
I so agree with you about expat wives having the gift of so many new experiences with very little responsibility. I interrupted my flourishing career to be one such in the US for a while, and really it did my career no harm at all. And it brought me an immeasurable wealth of experience.
I recognise the tone of all the conversations, although we did not have maid or car, we did have rent paid on a splendid house in three acres of woods and all our removals paid, etc. It was a magical time, and although it was only two years and now over 20 years ago it still feels much more tangibly recent than that.
One thing I did learn however, about those people who paint their nails and say they are busy: they might be ashamed of their lack of directed interest in comparison with you. I discovered through a third party that one wife was totally intimidated by the amount that I did: visiting museums, finding out about the Shakers and visiting the nearest community, working as a volunteer at a community crafts gallery, driving hundreds of miles to see galleries, buy wool, see the sun rise over the Atlantic, while still keeping on freelance publishing and artist representation in NY, NY and being paid in air fares. I flourished, having a tremendous time,appreciating my great luck in the situation, while she had dinner parties that involved cooking all day.
So from then on I have felt sorry for those who have to keep telling how busy they are - just like the guy in my first job who used to spend all his time with a clutch of papers in his hand visiting other people's offices to tell them how much work he had! When he left it was found that he did not need replacing. He had had nothing to do. Sad.
It's great that you are enjoying yourself - and it is fascinating reading your blog.
They sound very snobby people to me. I think I would be very lonely over there, because I wouldn't fit in at all well. I thought Leamington was bad. Keep thinking cool and splendid thoughts and draw something magnificent. (Had you thought of putting your descriptions into your drawings? The nice side of people and uglier side of people - Like a Picasso, 2 faces on one head?
In a group of acquaintances I left about 10 years ago, I had just a noxious whiff of the busy, busy elite that you describe. Oh how boring they are to me underneath all that urgent, sparkly frosting-ed emptiness!
How much better to have a few creative friends who have authentic conversations and sincere caring. We run below the surface emptiness and love our depths!
What GOOD is a blog if you can't occasionally use it to rant? And don't you just feel better now!?
:-) Glad to see that you are appreciating your own life and enjoying yourself.
I loved your rave out! Three Cheers for honesty! Not worth the time. I left a women's group I founded after 10 years because the connectios felt so weak to me. It's been 2 years since I left and 1 person has called me to get together! I think not caring or not knowing how to nurture a freindship is a disease.
You are so creative and active and interested. Hope you find many many kindred spirits in your town.
Amen!
Nice artwork Felicty. Thanks for dropping by and checking out my new blog. I also have a friend who was in Dubai for a year working at a company there. Small world.
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